Having survived a month at the Michael E. DeBakey VA Medical
Center, I’m back home, where I feel safe again. In celebration I offer
my readers another article in my exposes series, The VA in 3D. I’ll
enjoy a bit of levity before reporting in my next article how the
hospital took a final, deadly swipe at me before my Thursday release.
On Tuesday, 9/20/11, I posted Part 4, Wished Well,
and within hours was visited by a seven-member team of psychiatrists,
sent to evaluate my sanity. It was our such second bedside rendezvous.
The same team had visited a couple of weeks earlier — also to evaluate
my sanity, which they certified after a pleasant conversation in which I
demonstrated that I knew when it was, where I was and that I could
count backward.
Their leader was Dr. Po, an elegant Chinese gentleman from Chicago,
who mentioned that he was familiar with the city’s Shaolin temple. His
well-chosen, wise utterances fixed him in my mind as Master Po from the
hit 70′s TV show Kung Fu, and it was impossible for me to suppress this linkage whenever he spoke.
Master Po’s followers asked me whether there was any friction between
me and the nurses. I told them that the thousands of Internet
publications of and references to my articles on Ward 3D had certainly
caused friction between me.and the members of the staff whom I had
exposed.
Master Po nodded wisely, and his disciples whispered that those under whom a fire had been lit would often burn with anger.
Master Po’s followers asked me why I had used the word “bullshit” on
Wednesday, 9/14/11, in response to the refusal of Nurse Yolanda
Bullock’s refusal to change my condom catheter. I told them that Bullock
had refused my request a couple of hours after I posted my third 3D
article, Prescribed Punishment.
It had identified Bullock’s boss, 3D Head Nurse Donna Carter, as the
leader of administration retaliation against me for reporting its crimes
and cover-ups to my readers and the VA Inspector General. Bullock’s
refusal had been a petty act of retaliation, and she immediately
reported it to Carter and my lead physician, Dr. Murugen, as a refusal
purely for medical reasons, out of a deep concern for my welfare. She
had already made the same claim to me, evoking my “bullshit” comment.
Carter loudly endorsed Bullock’s decision, as did Murugen, who soon
appeared to chide me for being contrary with those who only wanted to
help me.
I told Master Po’s disciples that I had
worn condom catheters for the last four years, and knew very well when
one was about to fall off. I added that, a few hours later, during my
next time of need, the one declared serviceable by Bullock, Carter and
Murugen popped off, proving my point and leaving me perturbed in a
puddle.
Master Po nodded wisely, and his disciples whispered that when a man
knows that he will be pissed on it is only natural that he will be
pissed off about it.
It seemed to me that we all saw the reality behind the
rationalization that my tiffs with Bullock and Carter required an
insanity inquest, and I was so bold as to ask whether they agreed with
me that a political issue was being dressed up as a psychological issue.
Master Po nodded wisely, and his disciples whispered that this was
indeed the case. Then Master Po commanded silence by raising his index
finger in admonition.
“Yes, I agree with you,” the sage said. “Do you agree with me,
though, that every political conflict has a psychological component?”
I answered yes and was asked no more questions. After a few polite
remarks, Master Po gracefully turned away, and as his followers followed
him out of the room I heard them say that, although they had been sent
on a fools’ errand they were wise enough to know it.
After they were gone I used an average rate of $200 per hour per
psychiatrist, and estimated that the psychiatric department’s pair of
visits and post-visit reports cost the VA around $5000. Mind you this is
in a hospital that had refused me, a quadriplegic ventilator patient, a
$50 oximeter to make sure that I didn’t slide into a coma, and a $5
condom change to make sure I didn’t wet my bed. Of course the
psychiatrists, dutifully following hospital orders, weren’t responsible
for the crazy cost. On the contrary, overall I found them to be the
sanest group in an insane institution, and had been pleased to tell them
so.
Thus our exchange had ended in the comic column that you are reading
rather than a tragic a tragic transfer to psychiatric ward that my
enemies had intended. To demonstrate my appreciation for the efforts of
Bullock, Carter and Murugen, I’m quite content to present them with this
extract from the Renaissance classic, Maxima Metaphysica, attributed to Newton and translated by me:
“When
you space out, probably you’re in Uranus, which is your whole world.
Though your attraction to it is strong, you must remember that it is
really a gaseous giant with rings around it, filled with toxic methane.
Be careful not to become trapped in Uranus. To leave will be quite
difficult, but if you focus and push, you will gradually force your head
out of Uranus, and the rest of you will follow. Since Uranus is visible
to the unaided eye on Earth, some will see that you have passed through
Uranus. and even despise you, saying that once you’ve entered Uranus
once you will have to go back again and again. Notwithstanding you
should bear up bravely, and try to conceal that you are deterred.”
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